Marriage

What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility. -- Leo Tolstoy

This is so true. It really bothers me when people claim that they have to have to live together before marriage in order to find out if they are compatible. I firmly believe that compatibility isn't just some vague thing over which we have no control. In other words, I think that a married couple can become compatible if they are both committed to each other. Several friends have commented that they took "compatibility tests" when they were in pre-marital counselling which seemed to show that they weren't compatible at all. The years of happy marriage have since shown otherwise (or else have shown that they deal very well with incompatibility). A friend of mine made a comment that she wondered why Mark and I got married at the time, but now she sees how perfect we are for each other. I wonder: were we "perfect" for each other then (and she just didn't know us very well), or have we become so? Perfect does not mean sinless here.

I've been thinking a lot about marriage lately. This is partially because Pastor Joseph died last week. I mentioned in my last post that he is the one who married us. He gave an excellent short sermon on marriage at our wedding, which we do have on tape, but I haven't listened to it in ages. The main thing I remember that he said was "A good marriage is made up to two good forgivers." I really took that to heart, and no matter who was originally at fault, if I see that any fault lies with me, I ask for forgiveness. Mark is always very gracious to forgive me, and often asks my forgiveness as well. I have to be careful that getting him to confess is not my goal. I also often have to wrestle with God to get to the point where I'm willing to ask without any expectations save the hope of being forgiven. I am completely sensible of the fact that without God, I wouldn't be able to. He is the One who brings conviction of sin and the desire to repent.